The ‘R’ Word

I can hardly even believe im am writing this post actually about me but here it is…me…redundant.  I never thought it would happen and I certainly didn’t expect to feel the way I do about it. It has been an eye opener for sure..

After being called into the office on Monday morning myself and my colleagues found out that our office is closing down, the jobs relocated to our head office in England and thus we are being made redundant. There it is again, that word. I have known quite a few people over the years who have been made redundant and I did often wonder if it did happen to me how I would feel and I can now confirm it feels grim, but that’s just at the minute.

With qualifications galore and a degree to boot I certainly didn’t think at 36 I would be spending my day searching the job centre website and trailing through jobs online. I could ramble on but after reading up on it I have actually discovered that I seem to be making my way through the seven stages of grief. It sounds ridiculous and I know there are worse things that could happen and I have so much to be thankful for in my life but I also understand that you can’t help the way you feel and that’s ok.

• SHOCK – I definitely felt this and had the tears to prove it whilst standing in the office!

• PAIN & GUILT – I have two daughters, a husband, a mortgage and childcare and numerous household bills how am I going to manage and also the guilt of putting all that pressure on my husband to be the sole person brining in a wage.

• ANGER & BARGAINING – I’m still dipping in and out of this. I know there are some issues with the anger side that I just need to let go but I know my value, my worth, my legal stand point and what I am owed…I’m getting there slowly especially this week.

• DEPRESSION AND REFLECTION – Im not depressed but the redundancy has raised a lot of questions for me especially at 36 years old about where I thought I would be in my career. There where times over the last week that I felt like a failure even thought that’s not the actual case; I felt I let myself down and also my family because I just wasnt good enough to get the job done but the job has been made redundant due to sales of the company not personally because of me so I just need to move on from that. Of course having children has changed things and I’ve had to adapt but it still makes me question some of the choices ive made along the way.

• THE UPWARD TURN –  I am starting to get to this stage. I’ve attended a few interviews with some still pending so things are looking positive. I have a vast career in retail yet ive been office based for 6 years. It is an office based job I am currently seeking as it fits in more with our family situation but that is proving to be slightly difficult at this time of year. I have lots of interest from retailers but the late night and the weekends I cannot do so im in the negotiating stages at the minute and ill be fine until the new year. They say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side but im starting to discover that it actually might be the case. There are plenty of jobs out there if you want one and I definitely do. Fingers crossed!

• RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH– I think as I move into November and the final date approaches, our life will just have to jiggle about so a new job can fit in and that’s ok. We are just in our own little bubble at the minute and we just go ahead to work without thinking this would ever happen and these things aren’t planned for. It will definitely be a big change but one I actually think i am ready for.

• ACCEPTANCE & HOPE – As I have mentioned there are jobs out there and this is absolutely not the worst thing to ever happen. I have hand down the most amazing husband, two fantastic daughters and a wonderful supportive family so I couldn’t ask for much more, well except maybe a part-time admin job Monday-Friday  with plenty of staff perks if you know of any 🙂